Unspoken Sisterhood, Rachel Simon
Unspoken Sisterhood
by Rachel Simon
There is an unspoken sisterhood
A group of women with babies born still
Those who’ve made it through
Those who’ve had the will
We are strong, perseverant and determined
That is without a doubt
But we are no longer whole
We’re brokenhearted and empty throughout
We’re driven to find others who can understand our pain
The turn our lives have taken being so unplanned
We’re overwhelmed with confusion and questions
Yes, we’ve been dealt a raw hand
We thought we’d be fulfilled and joyful
Getting little babies to bring home
But in the blink of an eye, we’re empty-handed
Altered paths we’re left to roam
Now we seek the answers to questions unthought-of
Not researching the assumed baby rashes and remedies
With the Internet as our source
Instead we read blog after blog of dead babies
So it’s this way that we learn of each other
Through websites, blogs and notes
Otherwise complete strangers
With an experience of which we cannot gloat
It may sound strange to others
But about our loss we can freely talk
In each other we seek comfort, support, a shoulder on which to cry
You can’t fully comprehend until in our footsteps you walk
It’s like we’ve known one another all of our lives
And we realize there’s only one side to this coin
This is why we are so thankful for each other
But truthfully, this is a sisterhood you never want to join
Monday, March 1, 2010
A poem featured over at Stilllife 365
So very well put. This is from Stilllife 365
Monday, February 1, 2010
Chasing all the little Fireflies
Today a catalog came in the mail. I have no idea how I got on this company's mailing list- not my typical caliber of shopping, I am much more of a "frugalista".
A year ago I would have gone ballistic, how dare someone send me such a thing- filled with beautiful little girl dresses, fairy wands, butterflies and flowers on every piece of clothing, ruffles on every bottom, tutu's and ballet flats with sparkles. I looked through it, imagining what my little girl would have looked like- even thinking I may have seen a glimpse of her on a page or two. I kept asking why? why did I get this? yes, I have kids, 2 boys and another boy on the way. This catalog did have some boy stuff, but 90% of it was girl stuff.
After a desperately needed nap (3rd trimester is a bugger when your 3yo decides to give up naps!) I talked to my husband and I said "I don't know if it is some cruel joke from the universe, or if maybe just maybe.. it is Cameron's way of sending a little hello, letting me know she is watching over us or something." He said he definitely thought it was a hello from her- seeing how the catalog was filled with fairies and butterflies- what are the chances?
We have about 10 weeks (or less!) to go before baby brother's arrival. A good friend asked how I was doing in regards to looking down the road at his birth (she knows I have a lot of anxiety going into this birth). And I told her that right now I am just trying not to think about it. I am trying to take it one day at a time. When I do think about it, I flash back to Cameron's delivery and all of the emotional baggage that comes along with it- and I am terrified. I don't even know where to begin to prep myself for this birth. Just found out my OB will be out of town the week before my due date, and my good friend, the nurse who said she would be more than happy to be at the birth, will be out of town the week before that. I know the chances of delivering then are slim, but how many strikes do I need before I go out of my mind?
How many more people do I have to tell "My last birth didn't go well... (and I am scared to death of losing another baby, and I don't want to be put on the spot and I dont want to be bossed around, and I just want a peaceful birth where I go home with a live baby and not a box!) yeah explain that one to the nurse at registration! I have considered a doula (I have a friend or two that are birth doulas), but my husband isn't so sure about the idea. I guess we still have a few weeks to think about it.
In the mean time I will focus on what I will take as a little hello from my baby girl as I flip thru the pages of the firefly catalog!
A year ago I would have gone ballistic, how dare someone send me such a thing- filled with beautiful little girl dresses, fairy wands, butterflies and flowers on every piece of clothing, ruffles on every bottom, tutu's and ballet flats with sparkles. I looked through it, imagining what my little girl would have looked like- even thinking I may have seen a glimpse of her on a page or two. I kept asking why? why did I get this? yes, I have kids, 2 boys and another boy on the way. This catalog did have some boy stuff, but 90% of it was girl stuff.
After a desperately needed nap (3rd trimester is a bugger when your 3yo decides to give up naps!) I talked to my husband and I said "I don't know if it is some cruel joke from the universe, or if maybe just maybe.. it is Cameron's way of sending a little hello, letting me know she is watching over us or something." He said he definitely thought it was a hello from her- seeing how the catalog was filled with fairies and butterflies- what are the chances?
We have about 10 weeks (or less!) to go before baby brother's arrival. A good friend asked how I was doing in regards to looking down the road at his birth (she knows I have a lot of anxiety going into this birth). And I told her that right now I am just trying not to think about it. I am trying to take it one day at a time. When I do think about it, I flash back to Cameron's delivery and all of the emotional baggage that comes along with it- and I am terrified. I don't even know where to begin to prep myself for this birth. Just found out my OB will be out of town the week before my due date, and my good friend, the nurse who said she would be more than happy to be at the birth, will be out of town the week before that. I know the chances of delivering then are slim, but how many strikes do I need before I go out of my mind?
How many more people do I have to tell "My last birth didn't go well... (and I am scared to death of losing another baby, and I don't want to be put on the spot and I dont want to be bossed around, and I just want a peaceful birth where I go home with a live baby and not a box!) yeah explain that one to the nurse at registration! I have considered a doula (I have a friend or two that are birth doulas), but my husband isn't so sure about the idea. I guess we still have a few weeks to think about it.
In the mean time I will focus on what I will take as a little hello from my baby girl as I flip thru the pages of the firefly catalog!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thank you!
I just wanted to send a little note to say thank you to all of you for your support, love and help with last night's prayer service. I know we could all feel that we were all in the prayers of those unable to attend last night- thank you to all of you who kept us in your prayers. Thank you to those that read, everyone that helped set up and clean up, and those who came a great distance to join us
Thank you K.B. for the beautiful flowers- it meant so much to me.
A special thank you to a wonderful anonymous donor for your VERY generous donation ;)
and to everyone who made a donation to Cameron's Garden. These donations will go very far in helping families that have lost a child. MomsBloom hopes to start training volunteers in bereavement care, care and support that is very much needed in our community. Anyone else wishing to make a donation can do so through momsbloom.org - please make sure to put "Cameron's Garden" in the memo line otherwise it will go into the general fund.
I feel so blessed to have all of you in my life, so blessed to have seen God's hand at work through the love and support you have given. Thank you all for blessing me!
Lesley
Thank you K.B. for the beautiful flowers- it meant so much to me.
A special thank you to a wonderful anonymous donor for your VERY generous donation ;)
and to everyone who made a donation to Cameron's Garden. These donations will go very far in helping families that have lost a child. MomsBloom hopes to start training volunteers in bereavement care, care and support that is very much needed in our community. Anyone else wishing to make a donation can do so through momsbloom.org - please make sure to put "Cameron's Garden" in the memo line otherwise it will go into the general fund.
I feel so blessed to have all of you in my life, so blessed to have seen God's hand at work through the love and support you have given. Thank you all for blessing me!
Lesley
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Celebrating the imprint she left on our hearts
Tomorrow begins the weekend, and we will celebrate the imprint Cameron left on our hearts as we celebrate the day she became an angel, January 17. 2009 (ironically it was also my grandfather's birthday, the grandfather who passed away at the end of May- when Cameron should have been born!). I could call it "her birthday", but I think the much more appropriate term came from some of my babylost mama friends; "Her angelversary" the anniversary of the day she died. She never breathed life outside of me, and for the longest time I had trouble even saying that I "gave birth" to her (though by all technical and medical standards, I went through the birth process from beginning to end, I just didn't end my process with a living baby in my arms).
I have posted a video montage I created, and have since updated. I invite anyone who wishes to take a look at our tribute to Cameron, if you simply can't, I completely understand, it is very emotional and sometimes difficult.
I have posted a video montage I created, and have since updated. I invite anyone who wishes to take a look at our tribute to Cameron, if you simply can't, I completely understand, it is very emotional and sometimes difficult.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Bad Blogger
I have been awful at posting on a regular basis!
This Friday, the mothers group at my church is hosting a prayer service for families grieving the loss of a child. This is one of the final things on my "Grieving to do list". I hope this will help me pay tribute to our daughter, and help others.
I am growing more anxious as Cam's birthday approaches, I just have no idea how I will feel. I do know that I can now say "Birthday", but in the weeks and months following I could not even use the word "Birth" when I talked about her delivery, so that has to be a big step. I can now talk about her without breaking into tears, I can now think of my daughter and smile at the thought of her being with God, helping to paint the sun sets, helping light the evening stars, playing with the other children in heaven's nursery.....
This Friday, the mothers group at my church is hosting a prayer service for families grieving the loss of a child. This is one of the final things on my "Grieving to do list". I hope this will help me pay tribute to our daughter, and help others.
I am growing more anxious as Cam's birthday approaches, I just have no idea how I will feel. I do know that I can now say "Birthday", but in the weeks and months following I could not even use the word "Birth" when I talked about her delivery, so that has to be a big step. I can now talk about her without breaking into tears, I can now think of my daughter and smile at the thought of her being with God, helping to paint the sun sets, helping light the evening stars, playing with the other children in heaven's nursery.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
