Thursday, June 23, 2011
Cameron's Garden
I am thrilled to know that something I started shortly after my daughter's still birth in Jan 2009 will soon be taking flight. On Monday, we had the first training meeting for MomsBloom volunteers that will be working with bereaved families thru Cameron's Garden Grief Support program. As much as I hate to see another family go through the hell of losing a child, I am feeling so blessed to know they do not have to do it alone.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Call
It breaks my heart every time I hear of another family suffering the loss of a baby. At least once a month (almost every other week recently, and twice this week!) friends have called, or written asking for advice on how to help another friend that has experienced a loss. I feel that I am being called to do God's work and help these families as they walk through their grief journey.
I recently read something in a book I am reading for a women's bible study quoting John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
That last sentence had a huge impact on my soul. It happened so that His work could be done, He intended my daughter's death as a means for His work. This is a huge step in my healing, to be able to say that and truly mean it. The acceptance, the letting go of the anger at Him. It does not mean that my heart is whole again, or that I am "over" it, you NEVER get 'over' losing a child. There are still instances where others bring on the hurt and anger and I am working on forgiveness (a trait I feel I will forever be working on, some actions are easier to forgive than others, some people are easier to forgive than others too!)
I feel I have been called. You can not help someone travel the road of child loss unless you truly understand the journey ahead. I am not saying you have to lose a child to help someone who has lost a child, there are a special few that can understand and support you unconditionally when they themselves have not been down that road, but there are only a special few (and I feel blessed to have a few of these wonderful people as friends), but I feel that God has called me to help other baby lost mamas. I look at so many women that I have 'met' on this journey. They are an inspiration to me. Thank you ladies!! I look forward to seeing where the call will lead me!
I recently read something in a book I am reading for a women's bible study quoting John 9:1-3 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
That last sentence had a huge impact on my soul. It happened so that His work could be done, He intended my daughter's death as a means for His work. This is a huge step in my healing, to be able to say that and truly mean it. The acceptance, the letting go of the anger at Him. It does not mean that my heart is whole again, or that I am "over" it, you NEVER get 'over' losing a child. There are still instances where others bring on the hurt and anger and I am working on forgiveness (a trait I feel I will forever be working on, some actions are easier to forgive than others, some people are easier to forgive than others too!)
I feel I have been called. You can not help someone travel the road of child loss unless you truly understand the journey ahead. I am not saying you have to lose a child to help someone who has lost a child, there are a special few that can understand and support you unconditionally when they themselves have not been down that road, but there are only a special few (and I feel blessed to have a few of these wonderful people as friends), but I feel that God has called me to help other baby lost mamas. I look at so many women that I have 'met' on this journey. They are an inspiration to me. Thank you ladies!! I look forward to seeing where the call will lead me!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Time to get back to it!
I have been spending much of my time connecting with other Baby Lost Mama's on facebook, and I have gotten away from blogging- I need to get back to it!. So many wonderful groups and individuals on facebook! My current favorite is Chicken Soup for the Angel Mommy and Daddy. They are putting a book together to help other parents going thru the loss of a baby. I will be submitting some of my posts from this blog and my other (private) blog. I realized how therapeutic blogging is for me. Why pay a therapist when I can blog right?
Facing some new challenges in the next few months. I just learned that I will have a niece in June. Her due date is the SAME as my angel's was 2 years ago. This little niece will be the first living granddaughter for my inlaws- it will be tough to hear "She's the first" when I know deep inside my angel was. It will be so bitter sweet to watch this little girl grow-and see what I might have had with my angel. Don't get me wrong, I feel so very blessed to have my 3 wonderful boys, and I am so grateful that they are healthy and growing, but I will never forget my little girl, there will always be a hole in my heart where she should have been.
My nephew just had his 2nd birthday- balloons, candles, family, gifts....we just had our little girl's 2nd angelversary less than a month ago- it was just us at her grave, the bitter cold blowing through us as we let 2 pink balloons float to heaven. I couldn't help but have a tear in my eye as my nephew blew out the candles on his cake. His birthday, seeing him grow will always remind me of the little girl we lost a month before he was born, and now he will have a sister born at nearly the same time of year our little girl should have been. Some days it feels like salt in the wound, other days I can smile and say to myself that I have a special angel watching over me.
Facing some new challenges in the next few months. I just learned that I will have a niece in June. Her due date is the SAME as my angel's was 2 years ago. This little niece will be the first living granddaughter for my inlaws- it will be tough to hear "She's the first" when I know deep inside my angel was. It will be so bitter sweet to watch this little girl grow-and see what I might have had with my angel. Don't get me wrong, I feel so very blessed to have my 3 wonderful boys, and I am so grateful that they are healthy and growing, but I will never forget my little girl, there will always be a hole in my heart where she should have been.
My nephew just had his 2nd birthday- balloons, candles, family, gifts....we just had our little girl's 2nd angelversary less than a month ago- it was just us at her grave, the bitter cold blowing through us as we let 2 pink balloons float to heaven. I couldn't help but have a tear in my eye as my nephew blew out the candles on his cake. His birthday, seeing him grow will always remind me of the little girl we lost a month before he was born, and now he will have a sister born at nearly the same time of year our little girl should have been. Some days it feels like salt in the wound, other days I can smile and say to myself that I have a special angel watching over me.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Angel Kisses
I know I have been MIA for a very VERY long time. I hope to catch everyone up soon, but I wanted to share a peak at our rainbow babe! Aaron was born Easter morning at 1:30 am 7 lbs 6oz. We have been quite busy! He is a very special little guy- he has been smiling in his sleep since the day he was born- a little message from above- happiness sent down to us from God. When A was born, the nurse said- "Oh he has a few stork bites" and my husband and I both said "or Angel Kisses!!"
Monday, March 22, 2010
almost time
It is almost time to face my fears, almost time to walk back into the hospital and walk that same path we did 14months ago- and pray for a healthy baby to hold in our arms and bring home.
I have been avoiding my emotions like the plague- I know it isn't the best thing to do right now, but I just have to get thru, and if I add the emotions on top of it all, it may just send me over the edge.
I have been focusing my attention and my prayers outward-
-for a friend dealing with postpartum psychosis- trying to find her way, trying to help her and support her in what ever way I can from so far away. Wanting so badly to be there by her side and hold her hand.
-for another friend facing the 1yr angelversary of her sweet baby girl in a few short weeks, and dealing with preterm contrax at 21wks, being put on bed rest- I can only imagine how scared she must be.
-for a friend who lost her little boy (who was due at the same time as Cameron) months before we lost Cam, and is now facing infertility.
I really need to deal with these emotions, or it will be a hell fire of a storm to deal with after baby boy is born...for now I am just burying it with girl scout cookies- the ultimate comfort food right??
I have been avoiding my emotions like the plague- I know it isn't the best thing to do right now, but I just have to get thru, and if I add the emotions on top of it all, it may just send me over the edge.
I have been focusing my attention and my prayers outward-
-for a friend dealing with postpartum psychosis- trying to find her way, trying to help her and support her in what ever way I can from so far away. Wanting so badly to be there by her side and hold her hand.
-for another friend facing the 1yr angelversary of her sweet baby girl in a few short weeks, and dealing with preterm contrax at 21wks, being put on bed rest- I can only imagine how scared she must be.
-for a friend who lost her little boy (who was due at the same time as Cameron) months before we lost Cam, and is now facing infertility.
I really need to deal with these emotions, or it will be a hell fire of a storm to deal with after baby boy is born...for now I am just burying it with girl scout cookies- the ultimate comfort food right??
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
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