I got a package in the mail from Canada yesterday!!
I knew who it was from before I even saw the return addy. It was from my friend Lea, and inside I knew I would find a pair of angel wings!!
They are perfect and beautiful in every way!
Thank you so much Lea, you really know how to touch a babylost mama's heart!
I will try to post a pic when I can! It may be a while, we are headed out of town for a family vacation!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
6 months
This friday, July 17th will mark 6 months since Cameron's death. I can hardly believe she has been gone from this world for 6 months, she has been gone longer than she was with us. It tears my heart apart to think that we should have had a 4-6 week old baby in our arms right now, instead- they are empty.
the emptiness fills my heart- sometimes so void of everything. I am trying to keep my life afloat. I have gone back to doing the job I love, but it is difficult. Helping families with new babies is my passion, but my heart aches when I get home to an extra empty room in our house.
How do you celebrate, memorialize a child you never got to know? It was so all unfairly taken from us. We never got to look into her eyes, or hear her cry or even feel her warm body against mine.
It has been 6 months and there are days it hurts just as much as it did on the day she died.
the emptiness fills my heart- sometimes so void of everything. I am trying to keep my life afloat. I have gone back to doing the job I love, but it is difficult. Helping families with new babies is my passion, but my heart aches when I get home to an extra empty room in our house.
How do you celebrate, memorialize a child you never got to know? It was so all unfairly taken from us. We never got to look into her eyes, or hear her cry or even feel her warm body against mine.
It has been 6 months and there are days it hurts just as much as it did on the day she died.
I found this poem
another found poem
Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?
Please Be Gentle
By Jill B. Englar
Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and screamand repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,
not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Nothing more
By Lesley Jeruzal
Nothing more than a cloud;
droplets of moisture, clinging together
until I am too saturated
to hold any more.
Tears rain down
the light becomes dark.
The shadows from the night
swallow me whole.
Lightened by the storm,
the wind blows me on.
Ever changing, ever being
never one in the same
Changing at a moment's notice,
never sure of where I will be.
Light and peaceful in the summer sky?
or ominious as a death filled storm?
Blow me wind,
to where I am
meant to be.
Nothing more than a cloud;
droplets of moisture, clinging together
until I am too saturated
to hold any more.
Tears rain down
the light becomes dark.
The shadows from the night
swallow me whole.
Lightened by the storm,
the wind blows me on.
Ever changing, ever being
never one in the same
Changing at a moment's notice,
never sure of where I will be.
Light and peaceful in the summer sky?
or ominious as a death filled storm?
Blow me wind,
to where I am
meant to be.
Garden Dance
by Lesley Jeruzal
Heartfelt joy,
dream come true;
exploring, finding
something new.
Garden speak,
play hide and seek.
Floral in abundance
they dance upon the breeze.
light as air,
blows my children's hair
glowing warm of summer love
in the evening setting sun.
She flutters by,
he says hello.
The other son,
points her out from below.
Her wings,
out stretched
Their feet lept
chasing her soul in flight.
The night draws near
I hold them dear
for they are here,
the ones in my arms
As for her,
I watch the setting sun burn
painted with her colors of flight.
Remembering this special night
Playing in the gardens,
my children, all three.
A special memory
I never thought I would see.
Heartfelt joy
a dream come true
always feeling,
seeing you.
Heartfelt joy,
dream come true;
exploring, finding
something new.
Garden speak,
play hide and seek.
Floral in abundance
they dance upon the breeze.
light as air,
blows my children's hair
glowing warm of summer love
in the evening setting sun.
She flutters by,
he says hello.
The other son,
points her out from below.
Her wings,
out stretched
Their feet lept
chasing her soul in flight.
The night draws near
I hold them dear
for they are here,
the ones in my arms
As for her,
I watch the setting sun burn
painted with her colors of flight.
Remembering this special night
Playing in the gardens,
my children, all three.
A special memory
I never thought I would see.
Heartfelt joy
a dream come true
always feeling,
seeing you.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Reinvesting in my life
as a part of my therapy, I am supposed to reinvest in my life.
I feel like I am turning a corner, and I need to refocus on my life at hand. I will still use this place to talk about and grieve my daughter, and also to celebrate what her life has brought to mine, but I also want to celebrate the many, many other aspects that make me who I am.
I feel like I am embarking on another part of my journey, yet I have no idea where it will lead. I am going to start working my doula business again (and hopefully complete my certification by February 2010!)
I have had other opportunities arise in the past few months. Starting in Aug, I will be a peer facilitator for a local moms support group. This is very exciting to me! I hope to be able to help moms (and dads) journey through the sometimes difficult waters of early parenthood.
Later this month will be the 6th month anniversary of Cameron's birth/death- or as I like to call it her "angelversary". I can not believe it has been 6 months since I said hello and good bye to my baby girl. There are days I feel so far from it, and then others I am zapped right back to that very day like it was only yesterday.
I feel like I am healing, I am more interested in my hobbies again (sewing, crafting, cooking, scrapbooking) and I hope to share some of my healing art here too!
I feel like I am turning a corner, and I need to refocus on my life at hand. I will still use this place to talk about and grieve my daughter, and also to celebrate what her life has brought to mine, but I also want to celebrate the many, many other aspects that make me who I am.
I feel like I am embarking on another part of my journey, yet I have no idea where it will lead. I am going to start working my doula business again (and hopefully complete my certification by February 2010!)
I have had other opportunities arise in the past few months. Starting in Aug, I will be a peer facilitator for a local moms support group. This is very exciting to me! I hope to be able to help moms (and dads) journey through the sometimes difficult waters of early parenthood.
Later this month will be the 6th month anniversary of Cameron's birth/death- or as I like to call it her "angelversary". I can not believe it has been 6 months since I said hello and good bye to my baby girl. There are days I feel so far from it, and then others I am zapped right back to that very day like it was only yesterday.
I feel like I am healing, I am more interested in my hobbies again (sewing, crafting, cooking, scrapbooking) and I hope to share some of my healing art here too!
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