This friday, July 17th will mark 6 months since Cameron's death. I can hardly believe she has been gone from this world for 6 months, she has been gone longer than she was with us. It tears my heart apart to think that we should have had a 4-6 week old baby in our arms right now, instead- they are empty.
the emptiness fills my heart- sometimes so void of everything. I am trying to keep my life afloat. I have gone back to doing the job I love, but it is difficult. Helping families with new babies is my passion, but my heart aches when I get home to an extra empty room in our house.
How do you celebrate, memorialize a child you never got to know? It was so all unfairly taken from us. We never got to look into her eyes, or hear her cry or even feel her warm body against mine.
It has been 6 months and there are days it hurts just as much as it did on the day she died.
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2 comments:
Oh, I know that pain. I'm right there with you. :)
Keeping you in my prayers.
Peace.
Oh- my heart is aching for you! I have to tell you that I lost my son on Sept. 15, 2003. That night I took out my journal and wrote down his story- mostly because I didn't want to forget a single detail and I have a horrible memory and knew if I didn't- that I would forget and that fear of forgetting is the worst! Then I found myself one day (not five months out) picking up a journal and in that journal I write him notes- sometimes that I wish I knew his favorite ice cream flavor or the way his laugh would have sounded... but through my notes in an odd way- I feel like I know him- and I know that he knows me- knows my love. No you didn't get to feel her warm body against yours- but no doubt she felt your love, slept to the rhythm of your hearbeat and knows there's nothing in this world you wouldn't have given to know her in this lifetime. She knows! Hang in there! On this journey with you!
Hugs-
Laura d.
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