Siblings and Grief

Often times there are older siblings who are also grieving
the following is taken from:
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/index.html

Children and Grief
How can I support my grieving child(ren)?

Children want to share their experience of grief with adults. Your child’s love for the baby may be very special, and it will be unique as to how much they were included during the pregnancy/birth. Open-ended questions can help you talk and listen to what your child feels. You can ask, “How does that make you feel?” or “What would you like to do for the baby?”

Children need honesty, not deception, when it comes to sharing sad news. Generally, children find ways to cope with grief. Use simple explanations “The baby died. That means her heart stopped beating and her body doesn’t work anymore. She is not with us, but we will always remember and love her very much.” explains literally what happened. Use simple and honest explanations.

Allow your child to ask questions. Younger children tend to need to repeat the same question again and again. Each time you repeat the answer or story honestly, you are allowing your child to understand it more deeply. Because you too are grieving, this may be a frustrating process. Do you best to be patient and open, as children learn how to cope from your sincere feelings, actions and responses to their questions.

How will I know if my child needs more help than I can give?

Children, just as you, will grieve and heal over time. Additional help can come from extended family, close friends, teachers, counselors, social workers, therapists, etc. You may want to seek professional counseling if you have any serious concerns, of if your child…

• Pretends nothing happened
  

• Develops a fear of school or school work dramatically declines
  

• Threatens suicide
  

• Frequently panics or shows excessive anxiety
  

• Physically assaults other people or is cruel to animals
  

• Behaves poorly with family members
  

• Becomes involved in drugs or alcohol
  

• Begins committing seriously social delinquent acts
  

Is unwilling or unable to socialize with other children