Snow

It is the first big snow of the season. The kids are so excited- they were up at the crack of dawn, well before dawn 5:45am to be exact. We have around 4". I am excited too, but my patience is running thin "mommy can we go outside now?" (at 6:30) "how about NOW?" (at 6:45) agrrrrh!!! I just really wanted to sleep- I feel like a bad mom!

Just minutes ago, I looked outside. there were HUGE flakes falling, the large angel feather like flakes- and it make me think of Cameron and those same flakes that fell on the day she was stillborn. It takes me back to lying there in that hospital bed, so completely drained of tears- yet they still kept coming. Today, these feathery flakes bring tears to my eyes, yet unlike the ones in january, they bring a little peace to my soul.

I am one to believe in signs, weather sent by God, or Cameron herself, I believe in them. I can not tell you how many butterflies we saw this summer. I feel that was her summer sign. We even saw them while sitting in traffic in downtown Chicago this summer. I tell everyone the story of how I got 2 burgundy Zinnias, and one yellow- the 2 for Z and M and the yellow for C. With in weeks, the yellow one turned pale pink! I kid you not!

I was saddened by the cold weather, knowing we would not see those precious signs again until spring- but a gentle reminder was sent in these large flakes today. While my eyes are wet from tears, I feel like she is near, saying "it is ok mommy"