It has been a while, I know

I haven't been blogging a whole lot here. I am sorry. Life has been keeping me busy with other things. We learned this week that we are expecting our 3rd son, due April 14th! We are very excited, blessed,and hopeful- and also worried, anxious and scared. We heard that things can go wrong, but now we KNOW they can, and there is NOTHING like THAT kind of FEAR. It takes away the innocence of pregnancy. For some they say "once you get past 12 weeks, you are good to go", but from our journey, we know all to well it can go wrong at any point, for us it was 20wks, for other women I have met along the way it has been 24, 27, 32, 35, 40 and all the weeks in between. I cherish these women, we are all babylost mamas- but knowing now, what I didn't know then, makes this 4th pregnancy a whole other ball of wax.

The boys were for sure that they were going to have a baby sister- they even named the baby "sunshine" from the time we told them that we were pregnant again. They have been keeping the baby in their prayers every night, and once in a while they will say "Mommy, I hope this baby doesn't go to heaven like Cameron did" I say "Me too sweetie, me too". They are excited about having a baby brother...Zach even says "Mommy there are going to be 4 boys in our family !!!!(including daddy) I can't wait to teach baby brother to ride a bike!!!"

It does make me a little sad- thinking that our only daughter may be our angel daughter, and I feel like I am grieving her death all over again.

I am not ready to handle the "don't you wish you had a girl" comments from strangers when we go out, it is not any of their business- why do they think they have a right to make a comment? I nearly decked a lady today at a craft store for saying that we should try for a girl next time- told her we love our sons very much and we had a daughter, and that she died. that seemed to shut her up! No one asked you for your opinion lady! Think I will just stay in my bubble of peace for now!